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Red Dead Redemption 2: The Hater's Review

3869 ratings | 158893 views
(By Tim Rogers) Red Dead Redemption 2 is one of my absolute favorite games of this decade. If ever an achievement could stagger, this game represents that achievement. I made a 40-minute video highlighting every tiny thing wrong with it. Maybe it's in your best interest to hate this game. Maybe you're expecting it as a Christmas present, and you want to cool your hype. Or maybe you just hate cowboys because they're always dusty, and you can't stand to look at all that dust. Whatever the reason for your loathing, I have, as they say, "got" you with this video. Many of the bullet points I present you in this review are jokes. Many of them are not jokes. Many of the jokes contain sincerity. Much of the sincerity contains humorous turns of phrase. I can't tell you which is which and what is where. You have to feel it for yourself. Such is the nature of a hater's review. Here's a taste: Red Dead Redemption 2's horses' virtual scrotums shrink in cold weather and expand in hot weather. That's realistic. You can hunt, kill, and skin something like 500 different species of animal. This also is realistic. Why can't you skin horses, though? Why can't Arthur Morgan eat horse meat? You're telling me this is a game about desperate, lawman-pursued outlaw cowboys who regularly decapitate their oppressors with shotguns, yet they're too squeamish to eat a horse? I don't buy it. If you should dare to click, expect to learn lessons about shaving tool history, turn-of-the-century glass blowing, Manifest Destiny, and American Exceptionalism. Also expect weird "jokes" which roll through barely navigable twisting sentences of arcane diction that taxes even my own trained elocution. Seriously, if you saw the script I wrote for this video you'd think I had a vendetta against the entire voice over narrator profession. No, dear reader: that vendetta is only against myself.
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Text Comments (868)
Jesse Wamberg (1 hour ago)
Can someone explain to me why I just watched 45 minutes of shitposting ?
Cheech Whit (3 hours ago)
journalist just go to the internet now.. Then they super impose themselves on a green screen showing them on the front lines, to say they went there...
Cheech Whit (3 hours ago)
i wonder if that guy got in trouble for kicking that chick he tied up in the game...
Cheech Whit (3 hours ago)
that is one thing that definitely bugged me.. pulling my gun and firing at someone to talk to someone, and getting rammed with bounties and people shooting at me.. If this was a possibility, then you should be able to holster your gun and disarm the tension from pulling it.. maybe say "calm down, i didnt mean it..." cant count how many people i was tryin to talk to, only to pull my gun out and fire.. Even when i was being very careful it happened..
Cheech Whit (3 hours ago)
That barber is actually houdini, he gives out magical handfree haircuts as a side job when hes not doing great escape shows... its why it cost like over a dollar to do anything, making it cost several dollars to make something cool.. it'd be like getting a 300$ haircut today... haha..
"More like pocket launcher" 😂😂
o monster (6 hours ago)
Jesse Thiessen (8 hours ago)
pretty sure West Elizabeth is West Virginia Almost Heaven west Virginia Blue Ridge mountains Shannondoah River Life is old there older than the trees younger than the mountains blowing like the breeze
Ryan Maille (10 hours ago)
By far one of the most entertaining reviews I've seen (not just RDR2)
Sambojanglez (11 hours ago)
Do you watch RLM? Im getting RLM vibes from your humor.. good work!
Kakoolie Productions (11 hours ago)
Wa wa wa....this game only runs at 30 a second? See I told you low frames are fine I didn't even notice lol
Logan Show (13 hours ago)
It’s one of the greatest video games ever created along side Spider-Man 2-Fallout NV-Batman Arkham Asylum/City-Grand Theft Auto Vice City/GTAV-World at War/3arcZombies-Modern Warfare 2-SOCOM US NAVY SEALS-Watch_Dogs.
TruthHurts 777 (18 hours ago)
There are hookers in game that ask you if you want to have a good time, Me and my lubed up dick are saying yes but my charecter cock blocks me and both me and my dick are sad.
Sloanirrigation (19 hours ago)
Derek Warr (20 hours ago)
That was quite amusing
Anatoliy Kodebskyy (20 hours ago)
ROFL...this should be a Netflix comedy special! LOL
Jagger (20 hours ago)
Holy fucking shit this was excellent. lmfao plz more
t3tsu0 (21 hours ago)
6:21 is so good lmdao
michał Delost (23 hours ago)
I'm watching this whilst writing an essay on pulp fiction so I was pretty freaked out when he talked about the Quentin Tarantino dissertation
Big Gucci Nola (23 hours ago)
I can't get this game because I'm broke and I got a new job as a security guard but I'm waiting on a phone call to let me know when I start working. 😭 end my life brooo. No man should suffer like me.
DJOWIE M (6 hours ago)
Hope u get the job bro.. wish u luck and happiness
Madthorn (1 day ago)
You're so fuckin' crazy! .. lol. .......... sorry kids.
rutwik bhonsle (1 day ago)
One of the funniest videos I've seen on YouTube!
philj212 (1 day ago)
not sure if many people noticed because it is so subtle: after freeing Micah from the prison during the cutscene, he (micah) tries to rear his horse heroically before riding off but fails and only get its feet a foot off the ground and moans. to me that is the funniest part of the game yet
Sandor Clegane (1 day ago)
Oh atleast you people get gifts, I got the bill to pay for grannies funeral.
Mental Morzan (1 day ago)
I will Say it's taken me about 40 hrs of gameplay to feel where I'm finally getting used to the controls. IT SHOULD NOT TAKE THAT LONG! I shouldn't have to play half of the game to feel like I'm getting to where I can start the game. Lmao. Amazing game just the controls are FUCKING annoying. Red dead 1 had a better story, character design, and the voice acting for RDR1 was WAYYYYYY better. And THANK YOU for sharing the fact you can't skin everything. It took me forever to figure out you couldn't skin your horse anymore. It annoys me about as much as children in Skyrim being able to kill you with daggers but are invulnerable to all damage. But I can get mods for Skyrim to fix that problem. On ps4 there's a mod for killing children. Sounds fucked up but that's the point. Not being able to die is breaks immersion. I don't feel attachment to anything if it's immortal. I HATE mechanics in games that have this. I HATE how it's like this in EVERY GAME! Just because everyone's doing it, now we have too many games being too damn similar!!! Every damn fps game feels the same! Doesn't seem that game developers are too damn scared to try something new? I don't mean new like Destiny 2. That's taking the same game and ruining it. I mean a completely new game. RDR is doing GREAT! You know why? I think mostly because it FRESH. How many wild west games are there? Surprising not many.
Cammy (1 day ago)
Get off this games dick. I've got it. The contra are awful and clunky and why do the faces look like that? Ps3 model skin textures
tony escalante (1 day ago)
so rdr2 is shit but fortnite is great lmao this game is going down as a classic just like the first one best game to come out in 2018
Matthew Phillips (1 day ago)
Hysterical dude. WELL DONE!
Efthimos T (1 day ago)
I really do not understand why people put auto-lock on, after like half an hour of shooting I learned to play without it, and after 5 hours or so I became really good at shooting. I am not trying to brag about it but I suggest you to give it a try.
Russell White (1 day ago)
RDR1 had better glass, I was actually completely shocked when I looked through a window playing 2 for the first time. I live in a house nearly 200 years old, the remaining original glass is very close to the glass in the original RDR.
Ty Rant (1 day ago)
If you disliked this it's because you didn't watch it
Talking Toast (1 day ago)
Did you dress him like a minion on purpose?
World in RooView (1 day ago)
29:14 - Well... that's true that companies usually DON'T talk about that... but Rockstar clearly didn't see any problem talking about the 100 hour work weeks ;P
Summerbot (1 day ago)
Damn, this is good entainment!!
Benjamin Cassiman (1 day ago)
I disliked the video cause I saw 'The Hater's Review', (First time I saw a video of 'Kotaku' BTW) I couldn't understand how you can hate this game, again a good lesson for me that you have to watch the whole video! 'Subscribe to Kotaku!
Kotaku (1 day ago)
Benjamin Cassiman yeahhhhhhHHHHH i like to make videos that reward patience . . . some people tell me that’s not the best way to get a lot of fans, though i’m willing to gamble that it’s a good way to get QUALITY fans . . . so thanks for toughin it out!!!!!
Brian T (1 day ago)
There are actually to many bittons on controllers people are just to lazy to design double function via a single button held down as a shift gosh darndit. now all buttons are doubled except for the deul sticks. damn blasted that's been used tho as any buttons can be held down but the shift function is hardly ever implemented cowboy, Cerrone, haha gamers have no idea who that is. thumbscrews me up if you do. I'm hootin tootin the hint is slobberknocker.
Isaac Williams (1 day ago)
My only complaint about this game is it didn't feel long enough. I spent 70 hours in AC Odessy but that felt like I spent way more time there than rdr2, even tho I am 92% done with total completion
petru teodor (1 day ago)
So the message I get from this is! Don't buy this because it suck.
James TwentySeven (2 days ago)
Dont hate the game, just hate the fact this game is going to make Rockstar so occupied to make GTA VI.
Shawn Fernandes (2 days ago)
I wouldn’t trust kotaku to put out anything decent. Not even a funny not funny hate review.
kubaklos400 gaming (2 days ago)
Hater? More like Hypocrite 8 year old fortnite and cod player who spend 20 pounds on a dab emote and dances everytime he kills someone and screems on the mic
ibigsmokex (2 days ago)
More like pocket launcher hahahahaha
Alexander Weisman (2 days ago)
There is so much hilariousness per square moment
Kade Bass (2 days ago)
Everyone keeps saying that it has to go to PC but the reason why that is is that the original ‘Red Dead Revolver’ was going to be made by Capcom. Capcom making this game was going to be exclusive to consoles so carrying on tradition it isn’t available on PC
Alexander Weisman (2 days ago)
This deserves an award.
Ali Khadour (2 days ago)
You trying to be a comedian or a gam reviewer? Get to the point dude. Or go do stand up
Eddeh 07 (2 days ago)
Also, his build up to 17:25 is hilarious and very much on point. I would also like THAT game to be a thing. That isn’t THIS game, but that’s ok. I love this game despite. If someone worked out how to make THIS game THAT... I would give them all my money! Good point Tim!
Eddeh 07 (2 days ago)
I simultaneously love Tim, and feel very creeped out by the darkness of his “I’m playing a crazy character” alter ego. He’s hilarious, but takes it dark places that make me concerned.... and as a result.... I... love...hate...like...enjoy... it?!... I will clearly never feel comfortable. But sure... I do love these videos! (You’re a scary guy and I think I enjoy you!)... (maybe adore you... YOU CONFUSE ME!!!)
Pres. Comacho (2 days ago)
This makes me wish JonTron was still doing reviews lol
truthfully the game is still very glitchy for me at times
Archie Mac (2 days ago)
Play the first game first
gamer117 (2 days ago)
Kotaku is doing something cool?
the music in this game is truly something else
Adam Tapparo (2 days ago)
He needs to make tons more of these haters reviews fr
BadSatanClaus (3 days ago)
this is the funniest shit I've seen in a long time. watched the whole 40+ mins >_>
Sephtar (3 days ago)
im astonished im sitting here enjoying a *42* minute kotaku video. this guy is fantastic
TRYHARD RACCOON (3 days ago)
3:30 you sound like dasaintsfan lol
Martijn J (3 days ago)
You're a legend. Great sense of humor and loved the puns. Insta-subbed
Nugget Doozy (3 days ago)
I just watched this entire video. I’m married with child. You never know who your audience may be. Great vid btw!
Lucky Number 7 (3 days ago)
0/10 not enough puddles
Ghost Zombie (3 days ago)
He cant eat dog cause HE NOT FROM CHINA
mohammed (3 days ago)
i want to be able to kill and skin children
RDR2?... You mean GTA with motorcycles made out of meat.
Didn't even mention the lack of a hooker mechanic.. travesty. My Cowboi wants hwat cwoffie dammit!
Chaz3345 (3 days ago)
I’m on minute 15 of this video and I’ve been laughing for 15 minutes straight. I love you and you have a new subscriber.
Spudnick Jones (3 days ago)
I hate this game for ruining all of my friendships
MagicHandle (3 days ago)
Aww... come on. Red Dead Redemption 2 REALLY SUCKS!
Timothy Timerson (3 days ago)
Remember when Kotaku criticized Spider-Man Ps4 for Spider-Man working with the police. Lol
MidniteJae (3 days ago)
i want to wear this shirt, its a kool shirt
mr reflex (3 days ago)
Im lucky because i was going to get it for Christmas but i won a giveaway and got a code ITS AMAZING
Terrence Vergauwen (3 days ago)
Hmmm although i LOVE the game, nothing is perfect so here some things i don't like about RDR2: - having to play a character who keeps making stupid mistake after mistake. Your gang is a bunch of idiots that keep doing dumb things to get some money, only to lose everything and having to go on the run and start over somewhere else, and then do the same thing again ang again. "Hey Arthur, i heard 'bout some camp in the woods full of soldiers who sell weapons, let's go, just the 2 of us, and get into a firefight with all of them so we can steal their stuff.", "Sure, that sound like a fine idea!". yeah LOL ;) - I keep losing my hats!!! - some story quests end up with you having a $300 huge bounty... - my gun loadout keeps resetting itself, and i have to re-equip everything constantly - the long travel times get pretty repetetive/boring
The Memesiah (3 days ago)
Diabolical Legumes would be a fucking awesome band name.
Chris Miller (3 days ago)
Okay the "2× Opened Chewing Tobacco" moment got me. I was laughing so hard.
cain (3 days ago)
arthur should only be able to clean shave himself, and less trimming options. the barber should give more variety as he is trained. you should be able to learn more trimming lengths as you do it more
Foxtrot Mike Lima (3 days ago)
you sharpen razorblades on leather strops, not whetstones
Pepper Pon3 (3 days ago)
23:40 Revert any disease Exept TB
Soy Fish (3 days ago)
I'll play it when it comes to PC :)
KingNothingVI (3 days ago)
Meh, immersion is not for everyone. I also love when people refer to games from the 90s as "old" games. Kiddies these days xD no attention span at all.
David M (3 days ago)
He sounds like Deadpool! Hilarious.. lmao
MurseMan 86 (3 days ago)
This video is to reviews what RDR2 is to video games
danny (3 days ago)
what's with the dislikes? sarcasm and opinions apparently aren't smth yall can deal with anymore lol
Jhoshua Wolfox (4 days ago)
I've heard Jim Sterling complain about the fact that the character takes a second to stop after you release the analog stick, and that he had to "readjust" everytime to interact with the objective and thus rendering the character controlls complete garbage. Like stopping a second before from your intended position is too much for his brain to process. Like cmon, really? Ill take these fluid and realistic animations everyday instead of having the characters feel like they have a stick up their ass and stop dead like a stone once you let go of the controlls.
WAG (4 days ago)
0:14 lemme stop you right there chief. 0:16 wait carry on
Private Videos (4 days ago)
The biggest problem with the game is when I’m pouring water in the game, there is no water effects and the water stands still. Bucket full of water then the next it just empty but no effect that it ever left the bucket.
Agent X (4 days ago)
Interesting fact, if you injure a shopkeeper, if you go back in there after a few days they will have bandaged their wound and mention the event
Kotaku (4 days ago)
i am now wondering if i deleted the part where i mentioned this, because i'm seeing so many comments about it! i might have. oh well. in my original script, i said that the game's acknowledgment that the shopkeeper knows i shot him only makes it feel weirder that HE doesn't shoot ME, or run away, or flat-out refuse to serve me! lol
Jimmy Richards (4 days ago)
The Rootinist Tootinist review I’ve ever heard!
Chryptopher (4 days ago)
Hoe-a-Keen Fee-nix.
1Life Resist (4 days ago)
Fucking hell, this is the best review of anything EVER!
Darthing Vader (4 days ago)
i dont like them apples lol
Rockery382 (4 days ago)
how about the Anti-Pinkerton act of 1893. after which pinkertons could not be offered government work. That kinda hurt the realism for me. especially since Mr. Millton keeps claiming to work for the government.
Rockery382 (4 days ago)
+Kotaku Yea so one would expect he's give up after the annesburg thing right? It would make sense up till that point with Cornwall funding them.
Kotaku (4 days ago)
complete and total failure on the part of the writing team's fact-checkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe mister milton was NOT working for the government, or maybe he wasn't even a pinkerton? maybe he was a conman. though probably milton just had a weak writer!
Darth Bane (4 days ago)
Well the game for me does suck, I cant get into it, too much filler and slow pacing, I dont have the free time to waste, so I went back to playing mass effect a way more fun game.
Mr. Snuffleupagus (4 days ago)
"Young, dirty, Santa Clause beard"
mason snyder (4 days ago)
I have an idea for a video game let's make a massive beautiful and exciting world full of great characters and amazing Story! But put no thought into the combat and controls!
D Black (4 days ago)
Everything he whispered, I agree with haha
D Black (4 days ago)
I love this already
Steve Bourque (4 days ago)
I hate the lack of duel challenges
Steve Bourque (4 days ago)
Why is this 42 min long.......(edit) 42 min of hilarity
Kotaku (4 days ago)
Steve Bourque because there is something wrong with me and / or because i love writing words
Scott Hafele (4 days ago)
Makes no sense. You lack explainations
PhanaticGamer (4 days ago)
3.5 mins talking about details of shaving. Best video ever!
Zach The Anime Hunter (4 days ago)
23:35 Yeah, except for his tuberculosis

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